Reverse Pregnancy: From A Lady Who Only LOOKS Like She's Had A Kid

*Is it worth it? Let me work it. I put my cookie down, flip it and reverse it.*

I slightly modified those Missy Elliot lyrics.  Mostly because they have been in my head all week long as I have been coming up with ideas for my "No, I'm not pregnant!!" weight loss challenge.  First, I think worth noting, is that I am definitely not pregnant and doing my best to keep that statement true.  I am not ready for kids yet, maybe in a couple years.  One of my fears is that I will finally, FINALLY! get to my goal and that magical land of weight loss self-esteem that I envision and will then get the dreaded pee-stick results way too early, just in time for me to gain it all back.  But we won't go there!  Let's just say, I am doing my Christian best to keep that situation at bay for a few years.  Translate that however you wish.

So, a few things I have done this week (actually mostly today because I am that much of a slacker):

• Dusted off the old ipod
• Made a plan to buy some workout clothes tomorrow for the photo shoots I'll enjoy weekly
• Thought about which gym I will join
• Broken down my 40 weeks into trimesters (why fight it?)
• Bought a food journal
• Weighed in (Waaaaaah)
• Took my picture (::tear::)
• Ran two miles (I, too, am impressed)
• Took a deep breath, swallowed hard, pulled up my big girl pants and posted this piece

Like any great "pregnancy", there will be stages, or trimesters, if you will.  Some advice they give pregnant women is just good for all of us (i.e. not smoking, eating healthy, taking vitamins) and some they give pregnant women is not applicable to me whatsoever (i.e. staying clear of the litterbox- it would be nice if I could get away with that).  So, I'll follow some advice and blaze my own trail on the rest of it. Let's start here:

The First Trimester (Weeks 1-13; Dec 7th - March 7th).  I hope to lose 13 pounds in this stage.

1. I'll be cutting way back on my caffeine and artificial sweeteners intake.  I'll also be watching the alcohol, though to be honest I'm not much of a drinker at all.   Why would I drink calories when I could eat them???
2. I'll be religiously taking daily vitamins.  Now, that's just sound advice.
3. I don't currently smoke, so I just won't start.  Already I'm ahead of the game.
4. Eat healthy and drink plenty of fluids.  The water intake is key during weight loss (Yes, Lauren, I'm looking at you and I know what you're thinking) but it's important to stay hydrated and retain as little water as possible, pregnant or not.
5. This phase of the game will be a bit uncomfortable and an adjustment period.  I expect my body to rebel a little and go through some detoxifying of sorts, perhaps akin to morning sickness.
6. Unlike a pregnant lady, my breasts will hopefully decrease in size.  I never thought I'd say that but out with the big and floppy and in with the small and perky.
7. By the end of the first trimester some women begin to show a little baby bump.  I hope mine retreats a little.

The Stats

Clearly, my camera phone sucks. I will work on this.

• Height: 5'5
• Weight: 184.2 (uggggh)
• Neck: 14.5 inches (is it weird that I measure my neck??)
• R arm and L arm: 14 inches
• Breasts: 39.5 inches (yowza!)
• Underneath breasts: 35 inches
• Waist: 35.5 inches (I measure this at the cinch of my waist where it is smallest)
• Gut: 40.5 inches  (I measure this at the huge, busting part of my waist where it is largest)
• R thigh: 24.5 inches
• L thigh: 25 inches
• R calf: 15.25 inches
• L calf: 15.5 inches

And now for the bravest part of this piece that I thought about all day.  My boyfriend tried to talk me out of this part of the challenge but I insisted on including it.  Well, first I will say that I think the camera does add ten pounds on top of the tens of pounds I added myself.  I was a little surprised at how horrible I looked in trying to take a picture.  Also, I promise the quality of these pictures will get better with each passing week.  As it turns out, my boyfriend refused to take these pictures so I had to do them myself (and I'm not fond of the curvy mirror that turned out to be my only photo option).  I think he thought he was walking into some kind of a trap.  Oh well.  Here's to the future and here's to being very, very brave:

That crease, it kills me

As noted above, I ran two miles tonight on the treadmill.  I didn't do it fast and I was really tired but, I did it and I plan to do it again tomorrow and the next day.  I whipped out my way outdated ipod with my way outdated music and when "Tomorrow" from the Annie soundtrack came on, I think I shed a tear.  Maybe not tomorrow, but in 40 weeks worth of tomorrows, that picture is going to be worth a thousand words and my hope is that not one of them will be the word pregnant.